Wedding Mistakes to Avoid with Shellie Reid-Warner – E138

Matthew Campbell of My Wedding Songs and Shellie Reid-Warner of Rel(EVENT) Event Planning & Design chat about wedding mistakes and what to avoid.
Shellie Reid Warner, Owner of rel(EVENT) Event Planning, specializing in creating heartfelt weddings, fabulous galas, and fun social and corporate events in stunning spaces and homes in and around the Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania. With an emphasis on making moments worth remembering, we listen and learn about our client’s vision and dreams for their celebration, so we can reflect their mission and personality in every aspect of the event from curated music to unexpected decor. Providing clients with our wealth of experience and resources, we cut through the noise and connect them straight to a great team of creatives they can trust to plan and execute their event exactly as they imagined…and maybe a little bit better, so they can impress you.
Follow Shellie:
IG: @releventeventplanning
FB: @releventeventplanning
Show Notes:
- Heartwarming Wedding Moments
- Meet Shellie
- Wedding Trends
- Creating Uniqueness
- Most Important Aspects of Wedding
- Wedding Planning Mistakes
- Unrealistic Expectations
- Ceremonies Gone Wrong
- Reception Gone Wrong
- Eating During Wedding Day
- Reasons to Hire A Planner
- Prevent Overspending
- Food & Beverage Gone Wrong
- Room Layouts Gone Wrong
- Communicate With Vendors
- Connect With Shellie
Welcome everybody to the Wedding Songs Podcast. I am Matt Campbell today I’m talking with Shellie Reed Warner from Rel(EVENT) Event Planning and she is located in Eastern PA so, you know Philadelphia area and we’re gonna be talking about what not to do at weddings. So welcome to the show Shellie Thank you. Thank you. Nice to be here. Yeah. Thanks for being on the show to help us with this topic.
Heartwarming Wedding Moments
I’m going to start off the way we start off every podcast. Can you just give us a heartwarming or memorable wedding moment? Oh, gosh. there’s a lot of them. I kind of specialize in those heartwarming moments as they’re really super important to me.
I would say that probably during COVID, right in the beginning of it, I had a close personal friend whose daughter was getting married she planned a big ballroom wedding and it had to shut down. And this was when there were like, 10 people allowed to be together at a wedding. And the bride Ray was super upset about everything.
She was moving to Minneapolis. Wasn’t sure she would ever get the chance to see all these friends say goodbye. It was just like the worst situation altogether because they were moving, getting married and everything was falling apart. And. They really, it was really important to them that they’d be able to get married on the day they had selected.
So I said to her mom, I said, go take her to this park because we have a really beautiful park with like these old lime kiln ruins. Go see, take her for a walk in this park, tell her I can put a wedding together that’s outdoors with 10 people and it will be absolutely ethereal. And. So we went down, she, she loved it.
Absolutely loved it. Didn’t know what song she wanted to walk down the aisle to. I said, Ray, it would mean everything to me. If you walk down the song to the song, I walked down, which was Kodaline, the one, and she’s like, I love it. Let’s do it. We took all the ruins around this space and added a hundred candles, battery-operated candles, every candle I could get my hands on.
I hired some guy with the guitar to play the song. We set it all up with 10 chairs, and then we did circles in the grass with rose petals, one for one for each of their families because they weren’t allowed to be close to each other. So it was like this symbolic thing of circles. And then we stepped away so they could be together and stay under 10 people.
Cause we would have been 12, me and my cohort, we went and set up the cake and champagne and they were supposed to be married as a self-marrying, Quaker, what they call a Quaker wedding. Dad was going to do it. So he did it supposed to be 15 minutes. Cause we did this at dusk. Then Mom wanted to say something.
Then Grandpa wanted to say something before you knew it, every person out of that crowd of 10 had something to say. I mean, there was not a dry eye in the place. I think everybody needed it. They needed to say all these things to them. The 1 brother grabbed the guitar from the guitar player and started playing a song he’d been writing for them.
And it was like this organic moment. That just appeared with no planning, you know, beyond what we were doing, everybody just said everything they wanted to say to these two from the heart. And it was by far and above the best ceremony I have ever seen or ever been a part of. It was absolutely awesome.
I love that everybody got to speak because you can’t have that at a 200-person wedding. After all, it would go on forever and everybody complains about the toast going on too, too long anyway. Well, to add to that story, two weeks ago, Ray and her husband Reed flew home almost four years later, they flew home and they finally had the big wedding and they turned the script around.
They had no one. They got dressed up in their clothes. The dress and everything had flowers, had like the reception all ready to go. And instead of having anybody up there, they repeated their vows to each other and then turned the script on everybody who came and said, today is about you. It’s about all of you who we miss, who we’ve celebrated with, who we’ve enjoyed meeting, enjoyed getting to know, you know, all those things.
And they sat there and said, in the four years since we got officially married, 23 of you have had babies, 28 of you have gotten your PhD, 16 of you have gotten your doctorates. It was just so cool how they flipped the script about everybody that was there. It was really, really special. That’s awesome. And that could happen at any small wedding right now. love that idea.
Meet Shellie
Before we go any further, can you please just introduce yourself to our listeners? like you said before, my name is Shellie, Shellie Reed Warner from Rel(EVENT) Event Planning. I’m over here in Kutztown PA, which is on the Northeast border of Pennsylvania.
I’ve been in business for about 10 years, starting in corporate sporting, all kinds of, Dramatic events from, you know, shows to competitive events and then got into weddings, tried not to, I was like, there’s just too much pretty. I don’t want to be involved in that. There’s too much. It’s like going into a candy store and asking me to pick which can you know, chocolate I want.
But I did, I got into it and now I’m. A little bit obsessed, to be honest with you, which you can imagine. But, you know, I just, I really positioned myself in this world of the wedding industry as being somebody who loves heartfelt moments. I love appealing to all the senses. I want you to remember the words.
I want you to remember the music. I want you to remember what candle was that, we put, in the bathrooms or in the hallway. So I just want everybody to have those moments that they might be able to remember later on about that particular couple or that particular day. So, that’s kind of, where we come from, from the heart.
Wedding Trends
So let me ask you we’re at the end of July. Are you seeing any wedding trends that are in your area? I bristle at the word trend, to be honest with you. I’m finding that some of the quote-unquote trends are showing up on Instagram and TikTok and that kind of stuff. And I feel like too many things are being geared to try to become viral and I don’t care for that. So I kind of stay away from that kind of a trend. Like I don’t, I’m not a big fan of, grown men having fanny packs full of flower petals and throwing them down the aisle, you know, it’s just silly. Silly, silly, silly. some of the things that I know everybody loves them.
I’m not a fan, but everybody loves them. Are those foam sticks, the saber sticks that light up that everybody’s taking on the dance floor? I don’t like them, but everybody has a good time. It does insert a certain amount of energy onto the dance floor. Not a fan, but. I can’t argue with fun. You know, we’re starting to see, people walking away from champagne towers and going more for like margarita towers, espresso martini towers.
Those are a lot of fun. And again, inject a little bit more energy into the end of the night, having an espresso martini just kind of lets people get back on the dance floor for just a little bit longer. So yeah, those are, those are two of them, but, You know, like I said, I try to stay more. I want a wedding to be in and of itself a wedding, not a birthday party, not a quinceañera.
Creating Uniqueness
And then I want it to be a wedding. And so I like to preserve those traditions. And as much as possible. I mean, yeah, we’re getting away from cake cuttings and, garter tosses, thank goodness, and that kind of stuff, but I still think there are some really classy traditions or meaningful moments that could happen at a wedding that I think are really important.
Well, and I think the uniqueness of your wedding, if you’re doing everything that everybody else is doing, you as a wedding planner, that kind of, I would think would be a negative thing because couples want uniqueness. Absolutely. I had a couple, a couple of years ago who came to me and they were huge Wes Anderson fans.
And at the time I was like, I don’t even. what are you a fan of? And then I watched a movie, then I watched two movies, then I Googled it. Then I’m reading about him and I’m watching, I’m looking at all of all the things and it evolved into design decisions that we could make that reflected Wes Anderson.
So it was the color palette and, we were doing it instead of a cocktail hour, they wanted a coffee hour because they had some, alcoholics in their family. So they wanted to keep the focus off alcohol. So we were going to have like, they went garage sailing and they got all these old crappy mugs.
And so we were doing a big mug wall. And so everybody was having coffee before the Dinner. So that kind of stuff to me, that’s personal. That’s not trendy. That’s fun. And that is a true reflection of who they are, not just some silly thing they saw on TikTok or Instagram. I love it. We’re making a connection here. Cause I totally agree when you’re incorporating your personality, just makes it extra special.
Most Important Aspects of Wedding
I consider one of the most important aspects of a wedding is the timing of events. What do you consider to be the most important? Well, I definitely, you know, being the wedding planner, I definitely think the timing is super, super important.
You know, we create incredibly like 10-page timelines that only we use. And then we give all of our vendors, you know, their own timeline, which isn’t as long, but we have about a 10-page timeline. So, we know it’s super important to be tight on that timeline and make sure we’ve accounted for, like, every minute and every activity that needs to happen, whether it be time that we need for bustling address or walking from point A to point B, like, we account for all of that so that if anything happens, we can look further down the timeline and grab some time from that and pivot.
And then let our vendors know, okay, we’re good. We got a couple extra minutes here. We can make it happen. So I do feel that that’s super, super important, but I’m also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the reason we’re all here is because of a promise. And those vows are incredibly important. So, I’ve fortunately been lucky enough to work with a lot of clients who also believe that to the point where some of them don’t even want to save them in front of people.
They want to go off into some trees by themselves, do a first look, and then exchange their vows between them privately, maybe on video, maybe not. Maybe the photographer is standing there back away from them, but they wanted to do it privately. And to me, those are the couples that get it. Those are the couples that I can say, they’re going to last, they’re going to have a great relationship and a great life together. So I kind of think like, yes, timing from a planner standpoint is super important, but I really think the vows are the reason why every single person is there. And there are no retakes.
Wedding Planning Mistakes
What are some common wedding planning mistakes that couples make that you see all the time or at any time? Yeah. I got a couple. There are some that just, hurt my heart, but I have found that the biggest mistake they make is getting ahead of what they should be doing first. They go and buy a dress before they get a venue.
They go and, start looking at venues before they’ve talked to their parents. And told their parents, this is what we want. And then talking to their parents and saying, how are you going to plan on participating with us? Mom and Dad. And that’s the opening line for parents to say, well, this is what we’d like you to do, or this is what we’d like to share with you or give you in terms of financial backing or, no financial backing.
That’s when you have to have that open conversation to start it off, because if you go further. And start buying things and putting deposits on things before you’ve had that conversation, you’re going to get yourself in debt really quick. And you’re going to start to hurt people’s feelings or be very, hurt yourself because your expectations are different than someone else’s.
So, I mean, I even have it on my Instagram page. Like I have it pinned to the top, like things to do before you even talk to anybody like, just for couples to sit down together by themselves and say, what do we want this day to look like? Do we want 300 people or do we want 50? Do we want spring? Do we want fall?
Like, find out what you two want and what’s important to you, and then go talk to your family. Find out what’s important to them because I, as much as it is all about the couple, it’s also about family. Your family is going to be there and your family is going to support you. So they should have some input, maybe not one that you’re going to follow, but you should listen at least to see what’s important, especially if they’re backing you financially.
But it’s a good time to, I think, really open to communication. So everybody’s expectations are understood. And. Feelings aren’t going to be hurt and you just go into it with your eyes wide open before you plow forward and start booking people and, booking venues that you cannot afford or venues that are not going to be suitable for the time of year because somebody’s that they, they don’t like to be up there up in the north and the cold or whatever, you know, you just need to have those conversations with people so that everybody goes in with their eyes wide open.
So, Yeah, I think that’s 1 thing I’ve seen people do. That’s kind of a bad start, but then I’ve seen some people do some stuff. That’s not really necessarily in the planning process, but it’s just like. Bad mistakes, 1 being. Seating charts, escort cards, and any kind of. Display to show people where they’re going to sit.
I cannot tell you I’ve had doctors, educators, some of the brightest people in the world hand me all their escort cards and they’re not in alphabetical order or they’ll put them, they’ll give me, here’s, here’s my seating chart. And it’s by table. I’m like, You can’t do that. Like people don’t know what table they’re sitting at.
They can’t find themselves. So they have to stand there and look at a chart for 20 minutes to try to find their name and then go find their table. It’s like, you have to give us a list with everybody in alphabetical order. That’s the way the world works. You need to find your name. It’s like the old-fashioned phone books.
It’s in alphabetical order. One of my, Sweet friends. She just gave me a list. She had all of them by table. I said, give them to me in alphabetical order. So she put them at their tables first. She gave me a clump of Table 1, a clump from Table 2, and a clump from Table 3, and they were in alphabetical order of the table.
I’m like, No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That’s not right. So it’s like so many people misinterpret that no matter how many times you try to make it clear. It’s so many people do that. And then my favorite is when they do that and they give it to you the night before the wedding. So now I have to go put them in alphabetical order and it’s an outdoor wedding and they put it on really thin paper.
Well, when you’re outside. With little pieces of paper, the least little gust of wind is going to send those bad boys right out of alphabetical order like that. So I’ve started to get, you know, supplies, so to speak, to circumvent that, like, I have a card rack. that we put all the cards in.
So if they’re outdoors, they’re weighted down. I recommend, you know, let’s use something heavier, like a tile or even cute, pretty stones, and put people’s names on it with their table numbers underneath. Like, let’s just be different and try to stay away from those little pieces of paper when we’re outside.
But, the other thing I find is people try to, again, back to that Instagram thing, they get all these cool things to do, and they try to cram so many activities into one night that they are almost exhausted changing outfits, getting dances with grandpa, dances with grandpa and grandma.
We want to cut a groom’s cake. Oh, we want to change our shoes, like all the things. And it’s impossible. And especially if you want them photographed, you know, because that’s an extra time that takes to get that photo and everything like that. And they want to go get sunset pictures. It’s like you’ve got three hours pretty much from the time you’re done eating to the time the event is over to do all that stuff.
And it’s, it’s going to leave you with no time to really dance and just relax. I say that all the time Average wedding you’d have two hours of dancing and if you’re adding all of that other stuff. Yeah, so just cutting Like you said cutting into that fun time. Yeah, absolutely one of the things I want to just touch base on that you said before is I think really important arguments between couples are about money.
So having that conversation, I think first, well, like what you’re saying, do you want a hundred people? Do you want 50 people? Do you want 300 people? Well, if you’re going to have 300 people, do you want to have a 300-person wedding or a down payment on a house? Yeah. You know, you have to have those discussions beforehand.
And like you were saying to have the discussions with the parents because maybe grandmother’s expecting the wedding to be in a church. So just having those conversations and being mindful of family’s feelings there. And also creating something that you want as a couple as well.
Yeah. And it’s unfortunate slash fortunate, in this day and age, most couples plan their own wedding. I don’t have too many moms involved anymore. I mean, if they do, they’re kind of coming along to support, not necessarily guide. and a lot of parents come in. And all they remember is what kind of wedding they had 30 years ago.
And it is completely different, completely different financially, completely different, style-wise. People are getting married in barns now, not church basements. They’re getting married at museums and not ballrooms at hotels. So people are just doing things a little differently. And moms are like, what?
Well, how are you going to do that? You know? And I think that’s when a planner is super helpful because I know sometimes I say I’m, I’m part planner, part therapist, but I’ve learned to navigate moms and work with moms and help brides give moms something to do. So mom doesn’t feel like she has no say or no purpose.
You know, everybody wants a purpose. Even dads want a purpose. I’ve posted on that before about dad jobs. The things, go tell dad to bring lunch for everybody. Tell Dad to bring breakfast for everybody, and tell Dad to pick out the song for that Monday dance. I have Dad pick out the song and, send it over to the DJ.
Don’t even tell the bride what you want to dance to make it a surprise. I mean, those are the things that are like so important to include people and make it feel like it’s a shared celebration. I love it. Preventing bad feelings and making sure everybody’s included. I love it. In your experience.
Unrealistic Expectations
What are some unrealistic expectations that couples think about their, with their wedding planning? How much things are going to cost one, is that they are going to make everybody happy. They’re not. but again, that leads back to communication. I know there’s a statistic out there. I don’t even repeat it anymore because it’s so antiquated, but I think there was one that was like 70 percent of all brides go 40 percent or couples, I should say, go over 40 percent of their budget, which that’s a lot.
That is a real lot. And hopefully, you know, as time has gone on and this is the plus of having TikTok and Instagram, people are getting a little bit more educated. About ways to save money, what you should expect, why florist costs so much money, and why wedding planners cost money. You know, like those things should be educating them a little bit.
So I think that hopefully over time people go into it with their eyes wide open. I always say to my couples that, the DJ, the photographer, and the videographer. Or your ceremony musician or your band. None of them care whether there are 12 people there or 500 people there.
Their costs are the same unless you add an hour or 2. Their costs are pretty much there, but all the other things are affected. By how many people you invite. And so for every person you add, if you wanted to do the math, that number it’s scary.
Ceremonies Gone Wrong
Have you ever seen a ceremony or reception go wrong? Now, of course, you don’t have to mention any couples or names, but are there any specific moments or elements that you, could say have gone wrong just to kind of educate those who are planning?
it hurts me to even repeat these stories because I cannot believe it happened. But I had a couple of years ago who was a bit of a difficult groom. They were lovely, but he was very adamant about certain things. And one of them was his DJ a friend. I said, is he a professional DJ? He does it at parties.
Is he a licensed and professional DJ? No, he’s not. I’m like, you might want to rethink that. It’s a lot of electricity, a lot of computer problems. A lot of stuff can go wrong and you want to make sure this person is insured and prepared and educated. Sure enough, bridesmaids walk down the aisles and outdoor wedding bridesmaids walk down the aisle.
One after the other, everything’s beautiful. The bride and father are ready to walk down the grass. The music stops, stops. So the bride had to walk down her wedding. You get one shot to do this to no music. He was livid, livid with his friend. And his friend is upfront, you know, he’s right to the left of the altar. Everybody could see him fumbling, trying to plug things in, plug things out. It was awful. It was absolutely awful.
And I was like, now I actually have it in my contract that I will only work with licensed professionals, period. No questions asked. And if anybody asks me to do it, otherwise then I have to charge them more because now I have to educate those people more and spend more time with them.
And make sure that they are prepared with all the things that could save them if anything goes wrong and, you know, it’s the reason why everybody that, are in this industry are professionals and using somebody that’s not is just a big mistake. It’s not where you want to save money, not where you want to save money at all.
That was one situation. I have one that was really bad. This had to do with a vegan bakery. Now I’m not a vegan, so I don’t, I can’t speak for it, but somebody once told me that there are certain preservatives they do not use in vegan baking. Cake shows up. It’s absolutely beautiful till we cut it and inside the cake was mold.
We had to pivot really quickly, slice that entire layer off, and dig into the cake until we found a part that was not moldy. And slice very tiny pieces of cake to put out for guests. And we decided not to put them at the table because now they’re having fun. They’re dancing. So nobody realized cake had not been served at the table.
We just set them out to people that were already seated or they put it at a table so they could get it because we didn’t have enough. For everybody. so that was bad. And then we, you know, before I even left that reception, I called the bakery and said, you need to refund the entire amount of their cake and put it up back on their charge card.
I’m not going to leave you a bad review or anything, but you need to know that when you make a cake, just sometimes they make it a couple of days in advance, and refrigerate it before they put that final coat of icing on it. You need to check your cakes and make sure that they’ve not started getting mold on them because it was instantaneous. Two days in, it started getting moldy. So that was a bad one.
Reception Gone Wrong
I also one time I had a bride who just she was stressed. She had a nine-year-old daughter with her. and she had a contentious guest that she got involved with. Even though we were handling him, he had lost some sunglasses.
Started, you know, claiming someone stole them. We’re looking everywhere around for these sunglasses and she got involved in it and she had been drinking too much and it wound her up. She was extremely tired, got her wound up, and she literally had a meltdown. It was towards the end of the night when she had her final meltdown, but it ended up her screaming at her 9-year-old daughter and then proceeded to go under a tree, folding her arms and pouting.
The bride, not the daughter, and wouldn’t get on the bus. So now I’m like, okay, we never let the bride drink that much to get to that point. We have to monitor them so that they leave having a good time knowing that they did not ruin their own wedding by getting too drunk because it just was, it was ugly, really ugly. And I think that you would agree with that.
Eating During Wedding Day
A lot of couples forget to eat or don’t eat, and I would be making sure that that’s mandatory at the reception and hopefully during the day as well. I called my mom a barren. I said, you know, when you guys walk down the aisle before you even get your family pictures taken at the altar, you will come into a quiet room and gather and just take a deep breath and your appetizers will be sitting there.
And a drink of your choice. Like, we arranged that in advance. We know what their drink of choice will be. We get them something to eat so they get to try all their appetizers. We give them 10 minutes and then come back out and do those pictures. And then we watch them while they’re at their sweetheart’s table or their head table to make sure.
And then we go over and ask them, how’s your dinner? Do you have any messages for the chef? Like we kind of go in so we can sort of see, are they eating? Because for the exact, they picked all this stuff. They should eat it, plus we want them to have sustenance for the night. Cause they’ve got a long night ahead of them.
So, yeah, we’ve got that built into our timeline to get those drink orders, get those appetizers in the back room, and check on their meals and make sure everything is okay. So, yeah, I’m, I momma bear. It’s funny.
Reasons to Hire A Planner
I think of wedding planners and. Even if you, let’s say don’t have the budget for a wedding planner, I would say have at least a day of planning because things happen. And just to have that extra set of eyes of somebody who knows what’s going on that can handle those situations. And like, like you’re saying, having appetizers while getting dressed, that’s just that extra thing that the average person isn’t going to think of. Yeah, because, you know, all of us come with experience where we’ve done this over the weekend after weekend.
Plus, we make a point of being on, Facebook groups, we go to seminars, we get to Wedding MBA, and we stay on top of these situations because quite frankly, it’s kind of interesting to listen to what other people have dealt with and the problems and how they solved it. And you’re like, dang, I never thought of that.
And so it’s kind of like, we don’t necessarily have to experience it, but we know someone who’s in our shoes who’ve experienced it. So we can learn from them and hopefully come to the table a little bit more prepared. I take my bridal kit just like every other wedding planner does.
And I love it when I find out something that someone else had in there that I don’t have been mine. So like mine’s so big now, I have everything you can think of every kind of glue and tape you can think of from eyelash glue to super glue to hot glue guns. But I love it when I learn about something new to add to that kit so that we can come prepared to handle any situation.
But I don’t think I’ve gone through one wedding in 10 years that I have not learned something so true that that’s why we demand the big money because you’re paying for that experience. Absolutely. It’s depth. Absolutely. Yeah. People are like, well, you don’t have to stay the whole time. It’s like, Oh yes, I do.
Because some of the weird stuff happens late at night as everybody’s leaving. I want to make sure everybody gets on that shuttle and that shuttle is your shuttle. And, off you go. So yeah, it’s, it’s super important. And I even say with my clients who are back and forth between going with what we call wedding management.
We were trying to get away from that word day of we’re calling it wedding management because we do get involved so much earlier than just that day. God forbid anybody tries to do it by getting involved only on that day. It’s a B going into a firestorm. The price difference between a full planning package and a wedding management package may be significant, but what we’re doing with full planning is saving you money, really, because we’re telling you what not to do.
We’re guiding you to the right people for your budget. We’re not going to let you get seduced by beautiful photographs for a photographer. You cannot afford it. Or that we know is just over the top inexpensive. We know who the up-and-coming people are. They’re probably doing it for a little bit less, but they’re talented.
So let’s go with them because their prices are a little lower. I do think that there’s a value. I mean, I personally. Spent a lot of time developing relationships with vendors so that I could guide my clients to the right ones. It’s like matchmaking. I make sure I vet my clients and sit there and say, tell me about what colors you like.
Tell me about what color photography is, do you like it dark and moody? Do you like it light and airy? Do you like it in between? Do you want it trendy? Do you want it to be more candid, more editorial? I really picked their brains a lot. And then I show them, I’ve got this great chart that I make that shows them what I’m talking about.
If they don’t understand my verbiage I’m like, this is light and airy. It’s very overexposed, very romantic, very fairytale-like, and if that’s what they love, then that’s the kind of photographer I’m going to guide them to. So, the money I can save them for that kind of stuff. And even guiding them through their menu selection.
You don’t need five appetizers, do a cheese board and three appetizers that are passed saving you money. Don’t go with this dessert, go with that dessert saving you money. So I think sometimes we can actually pay for ourselves. just by having the value. That’s a great transition. You already covered some of it.
Prevent Overspending
I was going to ask you, what were some of the areas where you think you can help couples, save money, or maybe areas that they tend to overspend that maybe they shouldn’t spend as much on? Well, I think we all know what I’m going to say. Favors are a total waste. unless you’re a really great baker or really great cook or something, and you want to give everybody your own homemade jam, I can see that.
But most of the time, the koozies, the foam sticks, the flip flops, the fans, that’s another one, the fans, all that stuff. I sit there and I’m like, Oriental trading must love when they get those orders, like, Oh, it must be somebody’s wedding this weekend. And then. They show up at the wedding and I have to unwrap them all.
And sit there and curse China because I see all these stickers that say made in China. I have to unwrap them all, put them in a pretty basket, put them out. And at the end of the night, I collect them all and throw them in the trash. Total waste of money. Total waste of money. I always tell brides, we’re trying to get you married and we’re trying to give your family and friends a really beautiful night.
Great food, great music. Some of this stuff is just silly. It’s just silly. And it is a waste of money. I think that is probably, the obvious one. I think the other one is really who you invite. You’re going to go over budget tremendously because you’re inviting so many people, that really are not as close to you as you think they are.
If you don’t think you’re going to be talking to them a year from now or six months from now, or you haven’t talked to them for six months, You can always just use the excuse like we’re having an intimate wedding and invite the people that really matter and really are always going to be in your life.
I think that’s where a lot of people go overboard on spending by inviting too many people. And I think a trend lately has been having smaller ceremonies where you’re just having, I don’t know if you’re seeing this in your area, where you’re just having your immediate family and your immediate friends, maybe 10 people, and then everybody else gets invited to the reception.
And, still, that’s limited, but kind of the same philosophy. So that way you do not have to worry about all the logistics of, from one location to another location. We’ve even seen a couple of people that have gone to the courthouse and made the courthouse thing super cute and romantic and they’d bring a photographer and they wear a cute little suit and then they have a, you know, the celebration party later in the week or whatever.
So they just do that little with mom and dad and maybe your siblings and, or just by themselves and they just. They’re, they’re kind of sexy in a way, very sex in the city. Yes.
Food & Beverage Gone Wrong
So do you have any examples of food and beverage choices gone wrong at a reception? Oh, besides the moldy cake? Yes. we’re seeing a lot, in the world of weddings, we’re seeing that trend of champagne towers.
Everybody’s saying it’s over, it’s done, we’ve done it enough. but I do not see brides being done with it. Our couple’s being done with it. They’re still really wanting the champagne tower. It’s just that in the wedding industry, we’re a little ahead of the curve. We see it when it’s first coming out and then we see it all, ad nauseam in every magazine and every website.
But they still really like it. But the champagne tends to be a total waste, a complete waste of money. nobody drinks it half the time. So, one way to circumvent that is just use, don’t even do a champagne tower. Just a really nice thing is to have flutes of champagne that are only filled halfway, given to people right when they arrive at the ceremony.
So they sit down for the ceremony with a glass of champagne, and that feels very special, very elegant, very celebratory. and it gives them something to do while they’re sitting, waiting for the ceremony. Start. so if you’re really set on having the champagne, be part of it, that’s a great thing to do.
And then. When you go to cocktail hour, you already have a drink in your hand. So you don’t have to go stand in that long line. You’re ready. You’re set to go. So, that’s been, that’s been a, a, a bad thing. Well turned into a good thing, you know, with the champagne, food-wise, I really haven’t seen too many, there hasn’t been too much new stuff happening with foods.
I, I have not personally done a food. I. Don’t want to, I don’t know how that logistically could work well, because why would you invite people to your wedding and make them stand in line for their dinner? And by the way, who’s cleaning up the table at the end of the night? Yeah, I’ve seen it more as an accent where I’ve seen, cookie food trucks or ice cream, kind of like a snack instead of the actual meal.
I think that’s a win. That’s the fun thing. When you see the, we had an ice cream truck, beeping its horn as it was pulling up to an outdoor wedding and ringing its bell and everybody was like, what is that little mint green truck ringing? And it was cute. It was a great presentation and everybody loved the ice cream, but you know, when I see people that want like, Oh, I want like two or three food trucks and everybody can pick what they want.
I’m like, okay, now you have to have an entire staff to do nothing but pick up all those plates and put them in the trash. That means now your trash cans. Do you really want trash cans like out and about at your wedding? So, you know, it’s one of those things that I’m like, Oh, I can’t wait until that’s over so that we don’t have to deal with the food truck, ideas. and then there’s a, there’s also, a barbecue company that shall go unnamed that claims to be a full-service catering company and they’re a national brand. And they are not, they are also like, Here it is. They set it up and they walk away and all the dishes are on the tables or plates. And it’s just a hot mess.
And I’m like, Oh my God, I will never do that again. Never let them do that. I’m going to just disclose right there. I did not book that catering company. I did not want them to do it. I came in as wedding management. They had already planned that, but I was like, never would I let a bride do that again.
It was just a mess, an absolute mess. And we don’t, I don’t like to see a mess. So, of course, me and my team will clean it up. But by the end of the night, the bride’s mom came up to me and she was like, why are you cleaning tables? I’m like because there is no one else. Your guests aren’t putting them in the trash can.
And I can’t let this happen. I have to intervene and help. So one of the biggest pet peeves, just to kind of wind things down from the DJ standpoint, I’m sure there are other vendors as well, is the layout of the reception room.
Room Layouts Gone Wrong
Have you seen any bad layouts or maybe offer any suggestions? Because. A lot of DJs will get the layouts and the dance floors in one area. And then the DJ is in another area, not near the dance floor. So, do you have any tips for that? Yeah, I think that happens a lot with historical buildings when you’re having it in a mansion where it’s basically small rooms and the venue.
Well, because that’s, let’s face it, that’s the first place brides and grooms are going is to the venue to book their venue and the venue is telling them all the things that are possible, but they’re really not looking at it from the perspective of a caterer, a photographer, or a DJ or a band. So they’re like, of course, you can put your music in here and you can eat in here and do cocktail hour in there.
But, as a planner, I’ve done enough of those kinds of events that I can tell you how that flow is going to go. And that’s what looks like everything will fit in this room is not going to fit in that your It’s kind of part of the night. you kind of need him even there during dinner, you want to know where he is, and what his voice is, because he’s introducing, your people who are doing toasts and your officiant who might be doing a prayer before dinner.
So you want to make sure he’s got access. And it’s close to where the bulk of the people are if they’re in a different room. yes, they have a cordless mic, but they still need the sound system. I know one venue, we just this summer, they sold my couple before my couple had booked me and they went out and looked for venues by themselves before I could get to them.
And they signed on the dotted line before I could stop them. And the venue sold them a space that was tight for 250 people and that’s what they were having was 250 people and they were like, but people are going to cancel. So, yes, they could have fit 250 people, but they could not fit 250 people. plus a 12-piece band, plus a huge dessert display, plus a live painter, plus a cake being set out by itself, plus a cigar roller and plus an extra bar for the 250 people.
So, the venue just wanted the money. They wanted the booking day of. When the bride and groom were introduced and had to walk through these tables that were so tight that their hips were bumping into the chairs, it was a nightmare. And then they all sat down. Now the mother of the groom who was challenging went up to the band during dinner and said, start playing music for dancing.
Well, we didn’t have that built into the night. We’re like, no, no, no, no. You’re supposed to be sitting down for dinner because your food’s coming out. You need to be in your seat. So your dinner can be placed in front of you. But she went and told the band now all the food’s coming out and people are crashing into each other.
And the waiters and waitresses have big trays with five plates on them. And it was a, Mess. It was an absolute mess and I finally had to intervene and ask the band to please stop and come upstairs and have dinner because we need you guys to eat. Put the recorded music on. Our groom’s mom is furious.
Shellie, I want to dance. I want to dance. I’m like, no, no, no. This isn’t the time to dance. It’s time to eat and visit with your friends at your table and then we’re going to dance. Well, then she took it upon herself to grab the photographer and start getting group, large groups on the dance floor to get pictures taken that were also not part of the timeline with the photographer or us.
So now we have big groups on the floor trying to get photos while the staff is trying to serve people to eat. And you know what she said after the wedding, my food was cold. I was like, there’s no winning. There’s no winning with this woman. I did say to the venue, that you really need to be careful about putting too many people in a room unless you know all the facts about who else is going to use that room.
Like the band, a 12-piece band is huge. I think that’s a really great point that’s something that hasn’t come up on the podcast yet is when you’re planning the layouts, everything else, even, we were talking about photo booths in the past, and like you’re saying, the cigar rolling is really popular.
How many bars are you going to have in the room? I think that that’s really important. It’s more than just people. It’s what’s actually happening at your reception. Yeah, because there’s nothing worse than, you don’t want anybody dropping their plates or dropping their trays of glasses and we could see it.
We could see the staff getting very frustrated and you don’t want that because the guests see that. Yeah. The guests feel that energy and you just, it’s just not a good, it’s not a good look at all. fortunately, the venue was pretty responsive and, and they’re like, yeah, we, we kind of feel like we oversold it too.
I’m like, yeah, it’s great that you want to make the money, but find another way. so that was a bummer. Now I’m going to supersede that kind of stuff and be like, no, we’re just not doing it. We’re not. And the couple did, they, they wanted a photo booth and I said to them, we cannot do it.
You cannot have a photo booth. There’s no room. We’re tight so as it is, but, sometimes they don’t know we’re trying to educate them. This is the 1st big party they’ve ever had. I was just going to say. 20 weddings, but they’ve never thrown one. Right. I was going to say, they’ve never been married before. Most couples anyway. Yeah.
Communicate With Vendors
To kind of wind things up, is there something we missed that you think we should talk about? I think we’ve really covered it. I think when you really look at all of this, so much of it is communication. And talking and asking questions and, making decisions, I often say to my couples, it’s a lot, there’s no getting around it.
I break my planning process into three phases. So you get a break, after you give me all your information, take a deep breath. I’m going to go get you because a lot of couples come to me, but they’re done. You already secured. And then they like, Oh, this is going to be hard. We need a planner. but it’s like, once you’ve your venue, let’s just take a break, take a deep breath.
I’m going to go design your wedding. Now that you’ve given me all this stuff, I’m going to pick your brain. We’re just going to talk for a while. And then once you take a break, and then we’re going to go get to your vendors, we’re going to do all that, talk to them, pick our favorites, match you up, get it all done.
And then we’re gonna take another break. so that it isn’t overwhelming. And a lot of the communication that happens in those breaks. helps us for the next phase. And I think it helps parents. It helps bridal party members also have a moment because it’s as if you’re planning it every single day for however months you’re planning it and you have no break.
You’re sick of your own wedding. And I never want my couples, I’m like, I want you to be bored. Once you give me the numbers of the RSVPs, I’m done with you. I’m done with you. You can just go have fun and talk to your friends about when they’re coming into town and do your final fitting.
But after that moment, it’s all on us. We want them to be bored and have nothing to do. Which is kind of, a lie because they’re going to have stuff to do, but it’s not going to have to do with the planning anymore. They’re still going to have to do their little stuff, wrap gifts for the bridesmaids, and things like that.
Deal with family. Yeah, deal with family, deal with cancellations, deal with people that suddenly can come now, and yeah, so. I really, I try to say like, give me that number that I can get the caterer and the florist and then float and have fun, get back to your wife, spend some time together, go on a date with your fiance. That’s a great tip of, there’s so much stress during that time. I think that that’s really important to spend some quality time together for sure.
Connect With Shellie
Shellie, where can listeners connect with you and follow you? Well, I’m on Instagram on Relevent event planning. That’s the best way to find out what we do and what our stuff looks like.
see what our personalities are like. We do have a bit of silliness going on a little snarky thing going on. my website is currently down. Thank you very much for Google Domains for messing my world up. But, it is that, Just releventeventplanning.com. And that’s relevant with all e’s. we are working really hard to get that website back up, but I’m waiting for square space.
That’s over in Australia give me a call and let me know what to do. So I’m working on that, but it should be up in the next week.
Well, thanks Shellie for being on the show today. I really appreciate it. I am offering you tips about bad weddings and how to turn them around to make it a great wedding. Yeah. Thank you very much for having me. Absolutely. Stay tuned for next week for another episode of the wedding songs podcast coming out every Thursday morning. Thanks for listening and have a great day.