Attending Weddings as Guests with Chris & Devin – E137

Matthew Campbell of My Wedding Songs and Chris Dalla Riva of Can’t Get Much Higher & his girlfriend Devin chat about being guests at their friends’ weddings.

See Chris’s conversation with Matt on Can’t Get Much Higher.

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Show Notes:

  • Attending Friends’ Weddings
  • How Devin & Chris Met
  • About Devin & Chris
  • Unity Ceremonies
  • Church Weddings
  • Cocktail Hour Vibes
  • Formal Dances
  • First Dances
  • The Party’s Over
  • Tosses & Cake Cutting
  • Party Music
  • Music Choices
  • DJs vs. Bands
  • Good DJ Qualities
  • Wedding Guests Perspective
  • Follow Chris

Welcome everybody to the Wedding Songs Podcast. I am Matt Campbell. Today. I have a very special couple, Chris and Devin hailing from right outside of New York city in North Jersey. And today we’re going to be talking about them attending weddings in 2024. So welcome to the show, Chris and Devin.

Attending Friends’ Weddings

Thanks for having us. Matt, we’re happy to be here. Yeah, very cool. So just kind of break the ice. I have a couple of questions for you. How many weddings were you invited to this year? So how many have we gone to this year? You’ve been to 2 so far. And we have, we have another in a couple of weeks. We’ll see what the rest of the year holds, but last year we went to probably 11.

Yeah, we went to like north of 10 weddings last year. This year has been a little bit lighter, but we’ll still probably clock in 3 or 4 before the end of the year. So is that because you guys are really popular or is it because you’re from smaller towns? I think, well, I’ll, I’ll let Devin chime in too.

I think it’s partially just our age, and partially. We’re from different places, so. Mm-Hmm. She has friends. She knows people from work and then I know different people, so, and I have a, I have a big family, but what do you think? You do have a big family and you have a big friend group, and they just all happened to get married in the last year. And you’re a tip. So, well, thanks.

How Devin & Chris Met

And, you know, just to tell a little bit about you guys then, because enough about the other people, how did you guys meet I’ll let the, I’ll let Devin take this one. So my friend from college is Chris’s friend from home. So she invited Chris out in the city one day for my friend’s 10,000th day on earth and we met in the city. We needed a celebration post-pandemic. So we celebrated my friend’s 10,000th day on earth. Which is, I think your 10,000th day occurs at some point in your 28th year. Yeah. So, sort of a silly celebration, but it was fun and we met. Yeah. You know, it’s funny you’re saying that because I read recently that a couple was celebrating their 5,000th day of marriage.

I’m thinking that’s becoming a thing. That’s funny. I don’t know. I don’t know where that would be, that’s gotta be like 15 years, 10 years. It’s a long time. It’s a long time. It is. Yeah. Well, that’s cool. What would you like to tell the listeners?

About Devin & Chris

You don’t have to give your life story, but just maybe a little background about you guys. Yeah. So I’ll go first. I know Matt through the fact that we both write newsletters. His is of course about weddings. I write also write about music, but I’m focused on, music and data. And

I work for a music streaming service. and I work on data for that service, it’s called Audiomack. So, that’s what my life sort of revolves around. My life is very different. I’m an accountant, so I just work on numbers all day. But, I hear a lot about music and a lot of fun facts through all of Chris’s interviews and newsletters.

Devin does a lot of listening though, pretty much a ravid music fan. I listen to music all day at work. So my, Spotify unwraps is I listened to probably like 26 000 minutes a year. So do you guys, because you’re big music fans, do you go to a lot of concerts together?

Oddly enough, before I met Chris, I had not been to a lot of concerts in my life. Probably I could count them on one hand, but since we’ve met, we go to concerts pretty frequently. I think we’ve been to triple, at least, the concert I’ve been to in my life before that. Yeah, through my job, I can typically get Free tickets like a ticket and a free ticket and a free plus one to like, you know, smaller venues around New York city.

So Devin’s usually game to go to almost any show. So if there’s something that catches my eye or something, I know she’ll like, we’ll usually try to go. Take advantage of the work perk. I love that because, I couldn’t take her to like 2cellos or, Kenny G should be snoozing.

That’s funny. I saw someone say the other day that, they should start doing concerts in the afternoon. So, because everything’s always so late. I had a friend who went to Foo Fighters in the New York City area. I think it was yesterday or the day before, and it got partially rained out. So at least if it’s during the day, then you have time to recoup that time. True. Cool. Well, let’s talk about weddings since you’ve been to so many the last two years.

Unity Ceremonies

I wanted to ask you then, as a first question for the unity ceremonies, are you seeing any couples commonly doing those? And if they are, are they doing anything that’s out of the ordinary?

I think we’ve gone to a couple of weddings and churches like more traditional and a couple that weren’t in churches, but I would say like, we’re still pretty traditional. The only, I think truly like out of left field thing we saw was your friend, your friend, Aaron’s wedding. Do you want to tell them?

Yeah, they, at the end of the, well, at the end of like the unity ceremony, they decided to, pour half of his favorite beer and half of her favorite beer into one cup and take sips from it and have, a mix of their favorite beers to start their life together.

Okay. Yeah, that’s definitely the, I’ve never seen that, heard of that before or after. I don’t know if you have, I have heard it once, but it was black and tan. Oh yeah. I don’t know if they’re, I don’t know what they mixed and I’m curious if it tasted good because the black is at least the that’s the thing, I’m with you. It’s gotta be two beers that blend well together. Yeah,

Church Weddings

I think the only, you know, obviously the church weddings, you hear the typical wedding readings from the Bible. I feel like at the non-religious ceremonies, sometimes the readings you’ll get will be. You know, a little unexpected, but we haven’t heard anything that crazy or seen anything that crazy.

Yeah, I actually talked to somebody recently. It was an artist and she was getting married at the church and they were very strict about what songs you could pick. So, yeah, and I think it really depends on the priest as well. How forward-thinking they are. Yeah, and the church weddings we went to were, they were like Catholic masses, which I think is probably even stricter.

I think my friend who got married in a Catholic church said. There were like basically 2 songs to select from when they were coming down the aisle or whatever, you know, not a ton of variation there. I would think it would be more strict on the East Coast versus West Coast where it seems like we’re a little more laid back here.

Cocktail Hour Vibes

While you were waiting for the wedding party to arrive at the reception, that’s commonly known as, doors open or cocktail hour, just depends on what’s happening. What are the common vibes that you’re seeing? Is it the traditional, jazz like John Coltrane or is it modern music? What kind of vibes are you noticing?

I feel like most of them have been jazz music or like, instruments from the band before they go and play the typical band music for the reception. Yeah, definitely. You know, instrumentals of jazz. Popular songs, if they have a band, or as, as Devin said, just like, you know, I feel like to me, your classic cocktail hour, Frank Sinatra, love and marriage, songs in that vein.

I don’t think we’ve gone to anyone where during the cocktail hour, they’ve played it. Contemporary music. No, I don’t think so. That’s interesting. And then you mentioned the rat pack. So it’s fascinating to me how we talk about all the time in the DJ industry where the older music’s dying off because the most influential music is your middle school and high school years and as people transgressed through time, then, the fifties and the sixties are going by the wayside. But I think a few artists, like you were saying, are really surviving like Frank Sinatra, Elvis, there’s a few art, even at a James, there’s a few artists that are still transcending time, which is interesting.

Yeah, there’s, I would say those ones you’ve mentioned, but. Beyond that, I, I mean, you’re not really hearing any other music from the fifties or I mean, the forties forget it unless you’re having a great Gatsby theme, then you’re going to have the twenties music that nobody’s going to know.

Formal Dances

So let’s talk about the first dances. Are they doing the first dances? Along with the traditional formal dances of the parents dances. What are you seeing for formal dances? I think the one thing that I, I feel like we’ve seen more and more is you have a dance with the bride dances with her father.

And then of course, with her new husband or their new husband. but I feel like we’ve seen it at a couple of weddings. The bride also. They dance with their father and then they dance with their mother. so it’s, it’s a lot, it’s like a lot of dances, which I wasn’t expecting, wasn’t expecting that I’m very sentimental.

So I’ve enjoyed seeing the daughters dance with their mothers at the ceremony. And then the groom dances with his mom, and the bride dances with her mom. I think it’s really nice. We haven’t, we have not seen a groom dance with, their father yet. So I guess we’re not there on the progressiveness, scale, but a lot of brides and their mothers adding a dance on which I think was never a thing, you know, when our parents were getting married.

I’m kind of wondering if that was because, through time, a lot of the fathers passed away or were not able to attend, or maybe they’re not close. So actually one of our most popular lists was the mother-daughter dance songs. I’m thinking that maybe that just has transcended into an actual dance at the reception.

Yeah. In terms of the songs we’ve heard. Honestly, it’s weird. I feel like I remember more of the parent-child dances, and dance songs than what the bride and groom selected. I feel like some of them we’ve gone to. There’s been a lot of, your classic, parent-child first dance songs, and I feel like there’s been a little bit of a little bit of country in the air.

Do you remember, anything else? There’s one song that we heard multiple times, but I can’t think of the name of it. I’ll have to think of it. It was a lot of sons and their moms. Do you want to sing us a few bars? No, no, definitely not. Sons and moms. I was thinking of father-daughter, like butterfly kisses.

Everybody does My Wish by Rascal Flats is popular but there are so many out there that we’ve definitely heard my wish multiple times. That’s what I was thinking. Oh, yeah, that, that, that we’ve heard a couple of times. I think for Groom and Mother, I think that’s yeah, that’s been pretty popular, but I guess as you were saying, I mean, that’s restful flats was really popular.

What? Like, 20 years ago now. So, yeah, 2006. Yeah. So crazy, that was actually a whole school graduation song. Oh, really? Yes, it was. So that makes perfect sense. There you go.

First Dances

As far as the first dance, are they doing the first dance right when they come in, after their introductions, or are they doing it after the meal?

I think we’ve seen a variety, actually I think that’s one of the, the thing that’s had the most variety is like the actual flow of the wedding. I think in general, most of the time it’s like, Maybe while people are eating like a salad or something, so right at the beginning sort of after they come in, but I feel like there are somewhere like toasts and dances happen much later in the evening, which frankly, I, I preferred to get it out of the way at the beginning.

So we could just relax the rest of the time. But yeah, we’ve seen so much variety. We’ve seen like, The dances and toast during the appetizer of the salad. We’ve had weddings where we ate all the courses and dessert before, like, the dance floor opened up. We’ve had weddings where the dance floor opens in between meals.

So we’ve kind of seen it all, which is interesting just to see what flows. each wedding will have, yeah, I don’t know if that’s venue-specific or if that’s the bride and groom deciding when they want it to happen. That’s interesting. It could be the planner. It could be the couple. It could be the DJ.

Yeah. You’re not, I’m not sure. It could be all of those. So let me ask you and put you on the spot, which would you rather have the dances as you come in or get it over and done with, as you said, Or save it for later? I, getting it done with, what do you think? I agree. I think it’s nice to have it at the beginning and then.

The longer and continuous, dance floor can be open. And it was always my personal favorite. Exactly. I think you have to get to the end. So this is the DJ’s perspective too. We want to have the most dance time possible. And if you’re having it at the end, along with the toast, the typical dance time might be two hours. You’re, you’re really cutting into that.

The Party’s Over

What time would you say receptions get over? The last dance song is played. Is that at midnight? Is that 2 a. m. What time do you think your weddings are getting over midnight usually or between 11 and midnight? Yeah, I think, I think that’s right.

We, I have not been at a. I’ve been at a wedding where we stayed up till 2 am, but the reception was long over by then. Everyone was just hanging out very late. I feel between 11 and midnight, as you said, has been the most common thing that we’ve seen. Okay. I talked to a DJ in San Francisco and a lot of the venues are cutting off at 10.

Tosses & Cake Cutting

So wasn’t sure let’s talk about, the tosses and the cake and all of that. I don’t want to put words in your mouth. So are you seeing those less and less or more and more? We’re definitely seeing the wedding like bouquet toss less and less. I think I’ve, we’ve only seen it at one wedding we went to last year.

And then the cake, the bride and groom definitely cut the cake and do the whole tradition. But I don’t think we’ve seen at most weddings. The guests haven’t seen it. They do it privately, take their pictures, and then the cake is served, but it’s not like they stopped the whole wedding for everyone to watch the cake cutting anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. probably feels ancient now, but I know my mom has one time asked us, she was like, Oh, who caught the garter? And I was like, I don’t even know what you’re talking about. So, I mean, that was, I think that was dead before we even started going to weddings. but yeah, I think only, one toss. I have a dairy allergy though, so I’m not as keyed in with the cake, but Devin is a dessert expert. So I love dessert. So the only thing that’s sad for me is when the desserts are not announced that it’s available because they cut it privately. I’ve missed the cake and that is one of my favorite parts of the wedding.

That’s a great transition. How many weddings have you gone to that didn’t have cake? They had something else. I think only one there was doughnuts at one wedding. Oh, yes, there were doughnuts at one I’m glad Devin is here because like I said, I, I usually can’t eat any dessert or wedding. So I have no idea.

But yeah, still. Still cake cake is available at most, but we’ve seen like fun flavors for cake. One of the weddings we went to had fun fatty, which was fantastic. So, we’ve seen a lot of variety and types of desserts that’s been offered. Yeah. And I feel like since they’re not, there’s not like a ceremony where they’re cutting me a cake that everyone’s watching the cake is just.

Seen as part of the larger selection of desserts that you can pick from rather than, like, the main dessert, unless you’re like, Devin and just love cake. So, Devin, you’re going to love this. I’m going to take you on a tangent when we get married because we like cake too. We had 3 tier cakes.

There are two of them. One was in the shape of a groom. One was in the shape of a bride, but each tier had its own flavor. So we had red velvet. We had, the traditional white, we had the carrot cake. So we had three different flavors. I would love that. I think that’s my ideal cake. Let me just give you a little hint.

The one mistake we made. were we made the bride’s head red velvet? So it looked like when you were cutting it, that she was bleeding. So just make sure that’s on a lower, or on the side. That’s funny. Yeah. That’s, that’s funny pictures from our wedding.

Party Music

So let’s talk about party music. How long do you think the average party time has been since we were talking about that? Dancing. Two, three hours, two to three. It’s my perception of time-warped. It’s probably a little warped. I’m going to guess it’s between an hour and a half and two hours. Okay some of them, like we were talking about the flow. I feel like if the, depending on how you break up that time, some of it can feel like you’re not really, you don’t really get that much of a chance to dance, which I, You know, I feel like everyone likes to get out there a little, so it’s always better when there are long, continuous stretches that can make that hour and a half, two hours feel longer.

Yeah. I’m 100 percent in agreement. And especially like you’re saying that jazz music if you’re not listening to that very much or not into music, that can be really boring if you’re playing the wrong type of jazz. And I’ve, I’ve been to several weddings myself where people are leaving early when dancing starts where they’re, they already have the cake, they’ve seen everything and then they leave.

So, the flow, I agree, Chris is really, really important. Yeah, totally. I feel like it sort of makes or breaks the whole, that’s definitely the reception. Yeah. That’s why it’s, more very important to have a professional DJ who can curtail anything, that goes off-course anyway.

Music Choices

So were there any songs that everybody went crazy for that you remember? Do you want to go first? Well, there’s a, I feel like there’s a bunch. Yeah. I, I, the one, I mean, I feel like the ones I’m going to say at this point are all like wedding classics, which are like your September, your dancing queen. and then some of that. Early 2000s pop punk, you know, all the small things blink 182, Mr. Brightside, I guess that’s not pop punk, but early 2000s rock and rock-adjacent music like, Mr. Brightside. That’s a song that’s definitely been played to death, but people still love to hear it. Even September. Yes, I, I, yeah, I love September, so I won’t complain about that. I was gonna say, I feel like everyone, goes crazy when Twistin Shout.

Shout. Shout! Yeah, shout. Yeah, I’m surprised how long Shout has held on as the wedding closers song. That’s funny you say that because Don’t Stop Believing has been a very popular last dance song too. I don’t think we’ve heard that, as a last dance song. But we have heard Shout a Bunch, which is a really good one.

Yeah, Shout’s still fun, but I mean, that’s, talk about old songs. I think that came out in the 50s. That’s, that song has had legs. in Jersey and most we know are from Jersey. So you definitely get a, your fair share of Springsteen and maybe, maybe Bon Jovi, Springsteen is this big seven-minute epic Rosalita. I’ve heard it more than a fair share of weddings that I feel like if you weren’t from this area would never get played at a wedding.

Yes, I have a DJ friend in that area and he says the same thing, about Bruce Springsteen. He has certain selections that he always plays. They are true Springsteen fans, and it’s funny the new documentary about Bon Jovi was saying how they actually became friends, Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen. It’s kind of interesting.

Oh, really? I actually hadn’t watched, watched that documentary. I heard it was pretty good though. Yeah, it is. It’s pretty good. So are there any songs you wish that you not hear again?

Because it’s played at every wedding. I feel like, I’ve had my fill of Mr. Brightside. I was, I was going to say the same thing. I have, I have had my Mr. Brightside fill and it’s not, I mean, the wedding is only part of it’s like every sporting event. You go to every party. You would go to college. That song was blared at some point and it’s great, but I, I think if I never heard it again, I’d be okay.

Well, you know, I actually am in Las Vegas and The Killers I would say the second biggest band from Las Vegas. And it’s funny you say that because somebody told me, I think that’s just as much as a jam of course it’s not as well known as Mr. Brightside, but I don’t know. I’d be playing that one too.

Instead, which song, Somebody Told Me, well, yeah, that’s the other thing. They have a lot of great songs where I’m like, can we, it’s this, I sort of feel the same with all the small things, which I like, I’m like, you know, blink 182 has got a lot of other, well-known songs. Also, you said you think that the second most popular band from Vegas, was, uh,

It’s, Imagine Dragons. Oh, I definitely prefer the killers, but they each have their own niche whereas Imagine Dragons I think are more pop rock versus rock. Yeah.

DJs vs. Bands

Were all of the weddings with DJs or bands? There’s been a mix. Yeah, we’ve had I feel like it’s been pretty even between DJs and bands. Yeah, I think it has. I think it has been pretty even. Yeah, so it’s been a mix. That’s interesting. My cousin got married in the Haddonfield area. And they had a band too. And boy, there’s nothing like a great life, I think it was a seven-piece band.

So there was, it was awesome. Oh yeah. I mean, if a, if a band, if they’re good at the wedding, it’s, it’s a ton of fun. If they’re not very good, it’s like, you know, can be a little disappointing, but a great band. I, I, I love.

Good DJ Qualities

As far as DJs go, what do you think are some of the most important qualities of a good DJ? I feel like my favorite thing about, the music at a wedding is when I feel like the music is in line with what the couple likes. Cause I feel like sometimes it, you can go to a wedding and it feels like it’s just. Not what they would listen to or not what they love. And the couple has spent all this time, money, and energy planning the wedding and I personally just want them to enjoy whatever they like to listen to.

So I feel like it’s important when the DJ really knows the couple or, like, gets to know them so that it can be in line with music that the couple wants to hear as opposed to, Catering for the whole group, but that might be a niche opinion. everyone wants to see the couple happy. I always love when.

The DJ is able to play a mix of songs that get people of all generations out there. I feel like that’s the other nice thing about weddings. They’re cross-generational, so getting everyone involved. I think it, is important. and I think it’s why I have the most fun at weddings, especially if you’re there with older relatives.

Just to go off of that, I think that we all have to be reminded as DJs who perform a lot of the guests don’t hear those great party songs every day or every week. You know, it’s kind of like me asking you, when was the last time you heard unwritten, it’s a great party song, but maybe it’s not a song you hear all the time, but every DJ is playing it every weekend.

So, just got to keep that all in perspective. Yeah, yeah, definitely as someone I listened to a ton of music and I feel like I also try to remind myself of that too is like something that I think is overplayed, you know, your average person who’s not doesn’t work in music or make music or listen to music all day.

It’s probably happy to hear whatever that song is Unwritten is a great example. And I’m going to combine your answers and say that, it’s kind of like when you know, the couple is a huge Bruce Springsteen fan and Chris knows music and Devin knows the couple likes Bruce Springsteen, but then the DJ plays Born in the USA, Dancing in the Dark.

It’s like. Yeah. He has such a wide variety of music. Why would you pick those songs, they are more personable? Totally.

Wedding Guests Perspective

So is there something we missed that you want to share about attending weddings as a guest, maybe for couples that are planning their weddings? I think we harped on it before.

I think the weddings that we’ve enjoyed the most, and Devin can correct me if I’m saying the wrong thing are When things flow very nicely. And I guess our preference is that you get all the wedding-y stuff, the toasts, and the dances all occur sort of at the beginning.

And then you let everyone enjoy the rest of their night while food is served and, and all that. I agree. I love to dance. So the longer, the longer the music’s playing, The more fun I’m having, we also went to one great wedding that was, there wasn’t, there wasn’t like a traditional sit-down dinner.

It was like sort of just a big cocktail hour buffet. And then a band came on later and that was also a lot of fun. So I, you know, I also think there are other things you can do rather than the traditional wedding, of cocktail hour. Reception with all that stuff and everyone will still have a good time as long as they have food to eat and alcohol to drink and there’s music to dance to.

I totally agree, and that goes for most couples nowadays. They don’t want the same wedding. I mean, you’ve been to quite a few weddings, you want to see something different. You don’t want to see the same stuff and hear the same music. Yeah, definitely.

Follow Chris

Before we wrap up, Chris, why don’t you tell everybody about your newsletter and how they can follow along and, catch up with what you’re doing? Yeah, I’m on Substack. my newsletter is called Can’t Get Much Higher. If you search Can’t Get Much Higher or my name, Chris Dalla Riva, you will find me. I am chronically online posting on way too many platforms.

So I’m pretty easy to find. I also did a great interview with Matt about a month ago. So, like I said, it’s very broadly about music and data. but we cover music in all it’s in all its variety there too. Just for those listeners, I’ll have.

Links in the show notes so that way you can follow along and sorry, there’s nothing about accounting that we can share. the only fun tidbit I have is my senior year in high school was the last year at my high school when we went from doing accounting on paper to. Computers anyone needs audit services, you can reach out to Devin through you in the newsletter to sometimes Devin makes an appearance in the newsletter.

yeah, well, thanks for having us. Yeah. Thanks, Devin. Thanks, Chris, for being on the show and stay tuned for next week for another episode of the wedding songs podcast coming out every Thursday morning. Thanks for listening and have a great day.

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